lets try this again

ok so the last month has been crazy. I know that isnt an excuse but, I did not have a consistent schedule and as of Jan 1 I will my dad told me that he has enough work to keep me busy full time.

And since I have been waking up at 530 am I figured that I would get up and do 10 or so minutes of meditation and then do my morning pages.

Well. well, well

I did so good for a while...I need to start again

Wednesday/Thursday/Friday//Saturday - Week 3

So I tried to be better this week but I didn't do much better.

Yesterday was a good day, I didnt have work, and I had a spark of inspiration. I woke up from a nap and went to run some errands. Then I went in to the bookstore and picked out a bunch of magazines for inspiration for our new business.

Tuesday - Week 3

I had my second appointment with Dr C today.

I have decided that I need to start exercising, for real and eating better. I am also going to take vitamins and the L Lyciene for thr cold sores.

I feel so bad for C he has been so depressed lately. Cause he doesn't get to go play all day

I had an oppertunity to be creative today but I opted for a nap, which in a sense was well warented because I was sick all weekend and worked early shifts. But my plan tomorrow is to go to work, have lunch with T, then hang out with C and then go to the gym.

Monday - Week 3

Ok, so I took last week of just cause I honestly was lazy and did not do them because I forgot to do the reading. So it is strange how this whole process works, last week would have been the perfect week to read the third chapter because it talks about the anger. I worked on a letter to S who is my old bosses boss. Letting her know how her management team treated their team, writing it made be feel a lot better.

Also in my meeting with Dr. C I also found some justification in my feelings of betrayl. He told be that those are perfectly normal feelings to have under the circumstances.

My pottery class is fun.

C is being a pain.

I sent a email to B because I still like him as s human being and wanted to see what he was up to...is that bad?

M and I are going to take a class on starting a small business...which should be fun and interesting.

I have been sick the last few day and so has T. I am kinda glad I have not seen him in a few days because I was really pissed at him the other day. I had asked him to do me a favor...nothing outrageous, just to help me out...and he didn't do it, he forgot, after all the times I have done nice things for him.

I kinda want to ask him where this is going.

I think I am just restless, and I know I am un a rut.

I need a little vacatio.

maybe I should go visit R in PHX

Detective Work, and Exercise

1. My favorite childhood toy was...barbies
2. my favorite childhood game was...house
3. The best movie I ever saw as a kid was...
4. I dont do it much but I enjoy...gardening.
5. If I could lighten up a little I'd let myself...be flirty and out going
6. If it weren't too late I'd...tell K and M how I felt.
7. My favorite musical instrument is...the piano.
8. The amount of money I spend on treating myself to entertainment each month is...unknown.
9. If I weren't too stingy with my artist I would buy her...a nice studio.
10. Taking time for myself is...hard to do.
11. I am afraid that if I start dreaming...I will get my hopes up.
12. I secretly enjoy reading...novels for teens.
13. If I had had the perfect childhood I would have grown up to be...I like what I am.
    
14. If it didn't sound crazy, I'd write or make a...mural.
15. My parents think artists are...I do not know.
    
16. My God thinks artists are...cool.
17. What makes me feel weird about this recovery is...that its so hard to get the enery to do it and to be honest with how I feel.
    
18. Learning to trust myself is probably...the hardest thing to do.
    
19. My most cheer-me-up music is...any thing that has a good beat, that I could run to.
    
20. My favorite way to dress is...in jeans and a t shirt.
    

desire

desire, ask, believe, recieve
-Stella Terrill Mann

Chapter 3 - Recoverig a Sense of Power

Anger.

Anger is fuel.

Anger is meant to be listened to.

It is to be acted upon not out.

Anger is not a nice friend, or a gentle friend, but is very loyal. It will always tell us when we have been betrayed.

Synchronicity

life is what we mawk of it.

never ask if you can do something...say you are doing it.

Shame.

When people don't want to see something they get angry at those who show them.

Growth
Two steps foward and one step back.

Week 3 on hold

Ok so, I just got lazy and stopped doing the morning pages, partially because T was haning out here all the time and it was hard to write at night with him looking over my shoulder.

This has been an interesting week. On Monday I went to see a psycologist, Dr. I told him the whole story and why I was there, I want to find a way to move past what happened to me there.

I also started a pottery class. It is my way to be creative at least once during the week, and can be a default artist date.

M and I have been toying with the idea of starting a business and I've been working on those ideas too.

Review - Week 2

I am struggling with this but its gonna get done.

I did most morning pages.

Imaginary Lives

1. Teacher
2. Rancher
3. Chef
4. Dog Trainer
5. Consultant
   

Time Travel - Thank You

Shelly. I wanted to thank you for sticking up for me. Even though it was too late and would not have made a difference. I wish things could have been different.

My Champions

1. Shelly - she was allways there to back me up and tell me I was doing a great job.
2. Mrs Crabtree - she encouraged me to be creative
3. My Parents - they will support me no matter what I decide to do with my life
   

Horror Story

Ok the first time I did this my horror story was when a former co worker threatened to hit me if I did not use my spell checker, I have moved on from that and now have a new one.

So looking back on the events that lead to me quitting my job, and that is my new horror story.

things were changing a lot at work, I had a new partner, a new assistant and a new schedule to get used to and figure out.

I was basically set up and put in a position where I had to quit or be miserable

20 Things I like to do

1. Camping - 9/20/08
   
2. Naps -
   
3. Cooking - 9/13/08
   
4. Traveling - 11/00
   
5. Reading - 8/02
   
6. Going to school - 5/05
   
7. Learning a language - 06/00
   
8. Working out - 5/05
   
9. Training Cache - 01/07
   
10. Taking photos 2003
    
11. Volunteering - 2001
    
12. Drawing - 2003
    
13. Pottery - 2004
    
14. Hiking 6/2008
    
15. Skiing 2/2007
    
16. Hanging out with Rose - 2002
    
17. Yoga - 04/08
    
18. Shopping - 05/08
    
19. Crafts - 1999
    
20. Knitting - 2006
    

Wednesday/Thursday - Week 3

Ok so I think that this week is a wash. I will just start over with week three on monday. Since I didn't even read chapter 3 yet

Sunday/Monday/Tuesday - Week 3

Um, so I have been bad I have been slacking lately.

This week sucks. I am crabby and easily irriated by EVERYONE. It is for many reasons...

1. its that time of the month
2. I am burnt out of my job
3. people are stupid

So I have not read chapter 3 it is hard to get into it just like before, but I think part of it is the fact that I have gotten this far before so I kinda know what it says, but I am only a few weeks away from new information.

I am going to start going to yoga and to the gym regularly.

A few girlfriends and I are going to take a pottery class. It should be interesting ad should be just the thing I need to get out of my funk.

I am also going to start taking care of my skin too, every morning and night.

No Frappachinos.

No Pastries.

Friday/Saturday - Week 2

Well today is my second Saturday not working, I slept in a little then went to breakfast and to the farmers market with M (note I am no longer bolding names it was just too ha), our intention was to discuss business but we just ended up chatting about random stuff. I bought all kinds of goodies, huckleberries, corn, carrots, beans, potatoes, an onion and lettuce.

We also went to the doggie bakery where i bought C a toy and a few treats, cause he has been such a good dog lately.

So I need to do better at doing the tasks.

I spent the afternoon watching tv, playing catch and taking a nap.

I made huckleberry crisp the other night. It is so yummy!

I am tired.

Goodnite

Thursday - Week 2

Yikes, it is already Thursday, this week had flown by! So T is gone till Sunday and so is A is also out of town, so that means I have the entire weekend open, and the house all to myself! I also have the weekend off from the coffee shop which is awesome!.

I got an email tor day from my friend M who asked me if I would like to take a beginning poetry class with her, I think it is a very cool idea, I need something creative to do.

I am also going to have a breakfast meeting with M (not the same person) and talk about our brilliant business idea.

I also finally got ahold of my little sister and her mom. We decided that we would go with a set time and day every week. If this does not work I don't know if I can do it much longer.

Well once again I am too tired to write a ton so...gnite

Wednesday - Week 2

Ok so today was a really nice day, except for having to get up at the butt crack of dawn, which was really two or three hours before the sun actually came up.

Then I came home and took a nice nap.

and had a nice dinner with T
.

Where does my time go?

My 5 main Activities this week:

1. Work
2. Sleep
3. Driving
4. Relaxing
5. eating
   

Basic Principles

1. Creativity is the natural order of life. Life is energy: pure creative energy.

2. There is an underlying, in-dwelling creative force infusing all of life -- including ourselves.

3. When we open ourselves to our creativity, we open ourselves to the creator's creativity within us and our lives.

4. We are, ourselves, creations. And we, in turn, are meant to continue creativity by being creative ourselves.

5. Creativity is God's gift to us. Using our creativity is our gift back to God.

6. The refusal to be creative is self-will and is counter to our true nature.

7. When we open ourselves to exploring our creativity, we open ourselves to God: good orderly direction.

8. As we open our creative channel to the creator, many gentle but powerful changes are to be expected.

9. It is safe to open ourselves up to greater and greater creativity.

10. Our creative dreams and yearnings come from a divine source. As we move toward our dreams, we move toward our divinity.

Chapter 2 - Recovering a Sense of Identity

OOOOO :) I totally forgot about the CRAZYMAKERS.

• They break deals adn destroy schedules
• They expect special treament
• they discountt your reality
• They spend your time and money
• They Triangulate those they deal with
• They are expert blamers
• They create drama - but seldom where it belongs
• They hate schedules besides thier own
• They hate order
• They deny that they are crazynakers

hmmm a stolen idea

Weddings...

• register for art work
• have the money dance for charity
• 
  

great minds think alike

so after one of my friends B quit her job I had a thought, what if a bunch of us started our own company. Then M sent me a text message yesterday and it said "I have the most fabulous idea for us" and my thinking was what if she wants to start our own company....so I replied "whats that" and just as I was mentioning to my roommate that I had not heard from M my phone beeped and it was her. She said "What if we opened our own publicity firm you can do the creative and I will do the writing and event coordination" how is that for strange...

letters....

Write K & M a letter telling them how I feel

Monday/Tuesday - Week 2

Ok, so I didnt write yesterday, I was just not in the mood and the last few days I haven't had much to write either.

So I woke up about 230 am and haven't been able to sleep. I keep thinking about my old job and how I kinda got screwed over. I had an idea to write my two bosses a letter but not send them, so I think that may help.

I am gonna write more later today after I read Chapter 2.

So I read Chapter 2, and I totally forgot about the crazymakers, and I realized that they are every where, work, home, friends. The most would be at work customers and co workers but for different reasons....well some are the same but whatever.

Well I would love to writes some more but I have to get up at 400 am and I awoke today at 200 so I am extrely tired.

Sunday - Week 1

ok maybe this is really gonna work this time.

So, I called my little sister and left a message for her mom but haven't herd anything.

ok I know I am supposed to write 3 pages but that seems impossible.

I am so tired. I am going to go to bed.

Maybe this does work

• Use the images off of the Cafe Dolce site to create a promo piece.
• Make frames out of recycled newspaper for the gals at work
  

Saturday - Week 1

So, I totally spaced most of the exercises this week, but the good news is that according to the reading last week the exercises can be done whenever you want!

Today was a very nice day. I woke up all on my own, no alarm. I didn't need one because I had the day off. I made some monkey bread. (I am gonna make an awesome wife someday : p) Then A and I went to the farmers market, and then to the mall.

I ran into one of my favorite former co worker, who is really happy in his new position.

I was upset at A this afternoon because she offered to help me finish painting my room, then after she started to help she left to run an errand.

But oh well.

Paint

So, I guess my artist date this week would have to be finishing painting the wall of my bedroom. I started when I left my old job cause I needed a project. But put it off all summer maybe because I associated the project with work

Mountian Lions, Dogs and Earthquakes oh my!

Ok I knew this was gonna happen....the strange dreams.

So R and I are hanging out at my house, its my house but not my house ya know? and we decide to take the dog C for a walk cause its such a nice day. We get about 3/4 down the driveway when we spot the mountian lion (about 3 weeks ago my parents had one in their neighbors yard) and we beging to slowly walk back then we run being chased by the cat. Then just as we slam the door shut there is a large explosion followed by some shaking and then it starts to pour rain. Then I peak out the window and see that there are 4 to 5 dogs wandering the streets, so I let them in and dry them off and give them some food and start to call their owners.... strange huh?

Friday - Week 1

ok its day five.

I am completely exhausted.

Tired, sore and cranky.

But I am excited to have the entire weekend off for the first time in a month or so.

I have nothing else to write.

My brain its tired, my belly is full, and my muscles are weak.

what about just say yes

So I knew that this dream section would be handy...

So I am at work. I am working on the frong register when this lady walks up, she had been talking to our manager. Then she said to me "I would like BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH and make sure BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH" being condesending and just plain rude, when I ask her a name for her cup she just rolls her eyes and says BOB. Then somehow all my favorite T Shirts show up on the counter cause she asked for them and then she was like I want that one as she pointed to my all time favorite. My response....HELL NO!

then also I had a dream where we onlt had medium hot cups....and people were pissed

Cookbook

Tips
Tricks
Funny Stories

Breakfast
Brunch
Soup
Salad
Lunch
Dinner
Snacks
Camping
Hiking

Thursday - Week 1

OK its day four.

I had some weird dreams last night but could not remember them in the AM. So I went to two for ones at the Iron Horse, I've not had more than one drink in a while...it was nice. B finally had her last day at the paper. I am so excited for her! She was able to make the Great Escape.
I found this along time ago on one of my favorite sites www.someecards.com and it is sorta fitting what is going on at my last job



Well I had the day off it was much needed. Yesterday was just sucky. Work was horrible, then when I went to pick up C my Dad snapped at me because I did not bring my key to open the door to the house.

When I got home I just slept. Till like 5 pm.

Today I was very productive! I went to a cereal sale at one of the local grocery stores...hey you cant beat cereal for $1.79 a box (its a way better deal than 2 for 1's at the IHO)

Then I made some chicken noodle soup.

Now I have to be up at 7 so I am off to bed.

Wednesday - Week 1

Ok so day three...so far so good. The one thing I think happens when I do this is that I get emotional. Like today I woke up just fine, but while I was at work I progressivly got into a worse mood. Maybe it the fact that I have been stuck on the register for the last 3 shifts in a row. Or the fact that its day 8 in a row. Or maybe I am hormonal. Whatever it it I need to find a way to get out of this funk.

Well 3 pages. hmm.

I bought some M and M's I am soooo excited to eat 'em to night

Tuesday - Week 1

ok so today was a much better day than yesterday. Even though I still have 4 more days of work in a row...sorta, I guess I have thursday off since K wanted it and I was more than happy to give it to her.

So something weird is happening in my relationship with T, I guess its just what you would call a relationship. I was upset and complaining to him about what a terrible mood I was in and he did the best he could to cheer me up via text message. He told me the next time we go to his favorite resturant I could get S'mores for dessert because he knows that they are my favorite thing about camping.

C my dog has been kinda nuts lately, yeterday he was being a little devil all day, then when I got home from my little escape (I was going crazy being in the house and I just had to get out...so I put him outside, and took my computer and went to the coffee shop and started this blog.) he came right in and went to bed with me.

I hate smelling like old nasty coffee. The stench soaks into your skin and hair, sometimes even my bra smells like coffee.

So once again i find my self trying to fill three pages, which is hard to tell what three pages are on here cause they aren't really pages so...hmm.

I was kinda hopeing to hear fromone of the jobs I applied for today but I think that may be wishfull thinking because it was a holiday yesterday and no one was probably in the office and Friday was the deadline.

I can't decide which job I would like more. I think the one at the bank would be more interesting, but the one at the appliance store would be pretty cool too. But at this point I am up for pretty much anything that doesnt involve coffee for more that 20 hours a week.

I dont know what else to write and I have to go...more later

Creative Enemies

Enemy #1
Myself. I think that I would be my own worst enemy. I tend to dwell on the negatives.

Enemy #2
Well over a year ago I would have said that J from work would have been my biggest enemy but now that I am no longer in the proximity of her tirades. I feel much safer to make mistakes. Which are only part of being human.

Enemy#3
I think that a company is my third creative enemy, for about a year I worked on an account that had the same lay out week after week after week, so ther was never an opportunity to be creative.

Wek 1 - Affirmations

• I am creative
• I am talented
• I am positive
• I am smart
• I am witty
• I can do anything
• 
  

Affirmations

Affirmations are like prescriptions for certain aspects of yourself you want to change. Jerry Frankhauser

Syncronicity

Synchronicity is the experience of two or more events which are causally unrelated occurring together in a meaningful manner.

Week 1 - Monday

Ok, well today is day one. I am bound and determined to finis this time. Now that I have my laptop that should help too, especially since I would like to do this digitally. So here goes.

I guess there is alot going on. I am semi unemployed. I work about 30 hours a week as a barista serving coffee to cranky people and working with a bunch of college kids who need to be babysat. I really need to get out of there.

I am really excited for this week because I have applied for several jobs the last couple weeks and I hope to hear on them soon.

I also get a little excited starting this journey because it opens up my mind. It makes me think about things.

I also tend to have wierd dreams while I am dong the morning pages too.

So T and I have been dating for about six months.

I no longer work at the paper, which i guess is a good thing because several people (7) got layed off last week. There are thee positions that are dark in the creative department. YIKES!

I think fall is here. This last weekend was labor day and it was rainy and cruddy the whole week end.

Ok so tomorrow is day 2!

hit me baby one more time....

ok so here I go starting this journey over yet again. But this time it WILL be different! Why might you ask? because I have to finish it this time. If I don't I think I may very well lose my mind. Today was a crappy day. Work sucked, everyone was in a bad mood, co-workers, and customers. I was above it till close to the end of my shift, then I just got cranky. I was in a bad mood all afternoon, then while talking to G online she was like why not go make some art? and my respose was I'm not in a good enough mood. That is when it hit me that I need to get my creative juices flowing again, especially if I am applying for some new jobs.

i <3 fonts

So, I get these emails from Adobe, and the other day I recieved an email with the above graphic in it and I just thought it was really cool. The letters and the red heart are made up of different fonts and the corresponding letter, and the heart says love. anyway I just thought it was cool.

Word Cloud

the word cloud of my blog is courtesy of http://wordle.net/.

word cloud

    title="Wordle: blues">    src="http://wordle.net/thumb/wrdl/120157/blues"
    style="padding:4px;border:1px solid #ddd">

wear sunscreen

Wear Sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 pm on some idel Tuesday. Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself. Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how. Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year- olds I know still don't. Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone. Mayber you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody's else's.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Dont' be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths. Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble, and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will Look 85. Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen.

Mary Schmich

so...

Ok, so it has been just over a month since I quit my full time job. I have discovered that I was really unhappy there. I didn't realize till just recently how much of my time away from there I was thinking about my work. It is SO nice to wake up on Sunday and dread Monday cause then you would find out what went wrong over the weekend.

Sunday while browsing PostSecret I ran across a post...which gave me some hope.

The last month has been a roller coaster...I have felt a tremendous release of stress, but also a great feeling of failure because I quit, and I don't want to be a quitter...but I know that I made the best decision for me.

On a much lighter note, Leaving has left me with so much free time this summer that I am able to actually enjoy summer for once. This past weekend T, M, J, C, & A went on a camping trip up to Glacier National Park, we went on several hikes and camped out for two nights, it was lots of fun until people got cranky.

Mouth of gold

So, last night was the first night in a week that I didn't sleep in the same bed as T it was weird. But I don't think that is why I had a weird dream....so here goes.

I was in a large room or building, and was talking to a group of people, as far as I could tell I they were co workers. Then we noticed a commotion and some men walked in and began to take us hostage. I walked up to my group and were yelling something to us about having a mouth of gold. I had been playing with my ring that I typically wear on my right hand but had put it on to ply left hand because my fingers were swollen. just as I was about to put it back on my other hand they yelled at us to kiss the ground cause they hopped it would turn our teeth to gold. when we did it once it surprising l did not work, so they made us put our lips to the ground....for hours. then eventually they let us go, and we all carried on normal conversation like nothing happened

Dream Journal

So one thing I noticed last time I did this was that in the process of doing the morning pages I began to have very strange dreams. So I figured that it would be interesting to keep track of them too.

Here we go

ok I am staring once again and this time I am going to finish. I should read the intro again tonight, but I have read it three times already, so I am sure that I understand what it says. I am going to read the chapters on Mondays. My morning pages are going to be done in the morning when possible.

a girls not so best friend

Whiskey. Would not be my friend...I forget just fast it makes me drunk.

The one upside of it is that it also makes me gutsy. It gave me the guts to have the "talk" with T. So we are dating, no more if the weird limbo thing where I didn't know if he was my boyfriend or not.

I still don't know what I want to do with my life now that I am free from the hell that I lived in for months.

So I am gonna give it one more try...

I am going to start The Artist's Way Journey again on Sunday night.

One of the main things that I am struggling with since I quit is the fact that there was no loyalt to me, when I had been nothing but loyal to them.

A new chapter.

So, I quit my job today. At first I was scared, now I am happier than I have been in a while. So I figure this is the perfect opportunity to really give this Artists Way thing a go.

First Things First 2000

So the other day as I sat at my desk, in the land where advertising dollars make the world go round when I had a flashback to my first couple years at art school when I wanted to do work for non-profits or for the greater good and I decided to look up the First Things First Manifesto. In an attempt to revive my creative self and put some good ju ju out in to the world in hopes that it come back to me.

The First Things First 2000 manifesto, written and launched by Adbusters magazine in 1999, was an updated version of the earlier First Things First manifesto written and published in 1964 by Ken Garland, a British designer.

The 2000 manifesto was signed by a group of 33 figures from the international graphic design community, many of them well known, and simultaneously published in Adbusters (Canada), Emigre (Issue 51) and AIGA Journal of Graphic Design (United States), Eye magazine no 33 vol. 8, Autumn 1999 and Blueprint (Britain) and Items (Netherlands). The manifesto was subsequently published in many other magazines and books around the world, sometimes in translation. Its aim was to generate discussion about the graphic design profession's priorities in the design press and at design schools. Some designers welcomed this attempt to reopen the debate, while others rejected the manifesto.

The question of value-free design has been continually contested in the graphic design community between those who are concerned about the need for values in design and those who believe it should be value-free.Those who believe that design can be free from values reject the idea that graphic designers should concern themselves with underlying political questions. Those who are concerned about values believe that designers should be critical and take a stand in their choice of work, for instance by not promoting industries and products perceived to be harmful. Examples of projects that might be classified as unacceptable include many forms of advertising and designs for cigarette manufacturers, arms companies and so on. Adbusters has been a significant outlet for these ideas, especially in its commitment to detournement and culture jamming.

from en.wikipedia.org/wiki/First_Things_First_2000_manifesto

First Things First Manifesto 2000

Various authors
This manifesto was first published in 1999 in Emigre 51.

We, the undersigned, are graphic designers, art directors and visual communicators who have been raised in a world in which the techniques and apparatus of advertising have persistently been presented to us as the most lucrative, effective and desirable use of our talents. Many design teachers and mentors promote this belief; the market rewards it; a tide of books and publications reinforces it.

Encouraged in this direction, designers then apply their skill and imagination to sell dog biscuits, designer coffee, diamonds, detergents, hair gel, cigarettes, credit cards, sneakers, butt toners, light beer and heavy-duty recreational vehicles. Commercial work has always paid the bills, but many graphic designers have now let it become, in large measure, what graphic designers do. This, in turn, is how the world perceives design. The profession's time and energy is used up manufacturing demand for things that are inessential at best.

Many of us have grown increasingly uncomfortable with this view of design. Designers who devote their efforts primarily to advertising, marketing and brand development are supporting, and implicitly endorsing, a mental environment so saturated with commercial messages that it is changing the very way citizen-consumers speak, think, feel, respond and interact. To some extent we are all helping draft a reductive and immeasurably harmful code of public discourse.

There are pursuits more worthy of our problem-solving skills. Unprecedented environmental, social and cultural crises demand our attention. Many cultural interventions, social marketing campaigns, books, magazines, exhibitions, educational tools, television programs, films, charitable causes and other information design projects urgently require our expertise and help.

We propose a reversal of priorities in favor of more useful, lasting and democratic forms of communication - a mindshift away from product marketing and toward the exploration and production of a new kind of meaning. The scope of debate is shrinking; it must expand. Consumerism is running uncontested; it must be challenged by other perspectives expressed, in part, through the visual languages and resources of design.

In 1964, 22 visual communicators signed the original call for our skills to be put to worthwhile use. With the explosive growth of global commercial culture, their message has only grown more urgent. Today, we renew their manifesto in expectation that no more decades will pass before it is taken to heart.

It's in the stars.

so I don't know how much I really believe in horoscopes and fortune cookies but I do like to collect ones I like. one of my favorites i have taped on to my computer so that when I am feeling crappy I can look at it and it makes me smile.

you're growing almost too fast, Capricorn. You know almost too much and you're almost too attractive. Furthermore, you're on the verge of being riduculously smart, absurdly popular, and outlandishly creative. to avoid having any of this spawn jealously in others, you should probably go overboard in expressing humility - even if you have to fake it a little. Another step you could take to minimize any problems people might have wuth your amazing beauty is to be extravagaantly generous in your wealth.

here we go...again.

ok so once again I have failed to complete the twelve week program. I don't have an excuse, I just need to NOT do morning pages at night and get up early and do them....What I need to is get up make some coffee and sit down and write. Well lots has happened since I wrote last, A is no longer my teammate she moved to a different team because M left and is not being replaced. So, they moved L to my team the only thing is she works the night shift AND she is leaving at the end of the month! So just as she gets upto speed someone new will be taking over. But he (A) did start this week. At the end of June my old partner A is leaving to go to grad school. So once again we are going to be down an artist.

On a more personal note I have been hanging out quite a bit with T it seems to be going well. Much better than things did with F. I've discovered a common link between many of the men I have had in my life...they all have a thing for baseball.

I have been pretty stressed out the last few weeks at work. When A was on my team and I had partner during the day there were a few days during the week where there wasn't quite enough work to keep two of us busy, but there is too much work for one of us to do alone. So I work on the same amount of work that 2 people used to do duing the day, which isn't so bad except on Fridays...plus since I am the veteran on the accounts I am the one held resposianle when things go wrong.

8 ways to drive a graphic designer mad

1-Microsoft Office
When you have to send a graphic designer a document, make sure it's made with a program from Microsoft Office. PC version if possible. If you have to send pictures, you'll have more success in driving them mad if, instead of just sending a jpeg or a raw camera file, you embed the pictures inside a Microsoft Office document like Word or Powerpoint. Don't forget to lower the resolution to 72 dpi so that they'll have to contact you again for a higher quality version. When you send them the "higher" version, make sure the size is at least 50% smaller. And if you're using email to send the pictures, forget the attatchment once in a while.

2-Fonts
If the graphic designer chooses Helvetica for a font, ask for Arial. If he chooses Arial, ask for Comic Sans. If he chooses Comic Sans, he's already half-insane, so your job's half done.

3-More is better
Let's say you want a newsletter designed. Graphic designers will always try to leave white space everywhere. Large margins, the leading and kerning of text, etc. They will tell you that they do this because it's easier to read, and leads to a more clean, professional look. But do not believe those lies. The reason they do this is to make the document bigger, with more pages, so that it costs you more at the print shop. Why do they do it? Because graphic designers hate you. They also eat babies. Uncooked, raw baby meat.

So make sure you ask them to put smaller margins and really, really small text. Many different fonts are also suggested (bonus if you ask for Comic Sans, Arial or Sand). Ask for clipart. Ask for many pictures (if you don't know how to send them, refer to #1). They will try to argument, and defend their choices but don't worry, in the end the client is always right and they will bow to your many requests.

4-Logos
If you have to send a graphic designer a logo for a particular project, let's say of a sponsor or partner, be sure to have it really really small and in a low-res gif or jpeg format. Again, bonus points if you insert it in a Word document before sending it. Now you might think that would be enough but if you really want to be successful in lowering the mental stability of a graphic designer, do your best to send a version of the logo over a hard to cut-out background. Black or white backgrounds should be avoided, as they are easy to cut-out with the darken or lighten layer style in photoshop. Once the graphic designer is done working on that bitmap logo, tell him you need it to be bigger.

If you need a custom made logo, make your own sketches on a napkin. Or better yet, make your 9 year old kid draw it. Your sketch shouldn't take more than 5 minutes to make. You don't want to make something that's detailed and easy to understand, because the less the designer understands what you want, the more you can make him change things afterwards. Never accept the first logo. Never accept the 9th, make him do many changes, colors, fonts & clip art. Ask him to add a picture in the logo. Bevels. Gradients. Comic Sans. And when he's at his 10th attempt, tell him that you like the 2nd one the most. I know, it's mean but remember: graphic designers are the cause of breast cancer among middle aged women.


5-Chosing your words
When describing what you want in a design, make sure to use terms that don't really mean anything. Terms like "jazz it up a bit" or " can you make it more webbish?". "I would like the design to be beautiful" or "I prefer nice graphics, graphics that, you know, when you look at them you go: Those are nice graphics." are other options. Don't feel bad about it, you've got the right. In fact, it's your duty because we all know that on fullmoons, graphic designers shapeshift into werewolves.

6-Colors
The best way for you to pick colors (because you don't want to let the graphic designer choose) is to write random colors on pieces of paper, put them in a hat and choose. The graphic designer will suggest to stay with 2-3 main colors at the most, but no. Choose as many as you like, and make sure to do the hat thing in front of him. While doing it, sing a very annoying song.

7-Deadlines
When it's your turn to approve the design, take your time. There is no rush. Take two days. Take six. Just as long as when the deadline of the project approaches, you get back to the designer with more corrections and changes that he has time to make. After all, graphic designers are responsible for the 911 attacks.

8-Finish him
After you've applied this list on your victim, it is part of human nature (although some would argue weather they're human or not) to get a bit insecure. As he realises that he just can't satisfy your needs, the graphic designer will most likely abandon all hopes of winning an argument and will just do whatever you tell him to do, without question. You want that in purple? Purple it is. Six different fonts? Sure!

You would think that at this point you have won, but don't forget the goal of this: he has to quit this business. So be ready for the final blow: When making final decisions on colors, shapes, fonts, etc, tell him that you are disappointed by his lack of initiative. Tell him that after all, he is the designer and that he should be the one to put his expertise and talent at work, not you. That you were expecting more output and advices about design from him.

Tell him you've had enough with his lack of creativity and that you would rather do your own layouts on Publisher instead of paying for his services. And there you go. You should have graphic designer all tucked into a straight jacket in no time!

Time Travel - Monster Hall of Fame

Ok so the first task that I am going to do is tell a horror story from my monster hall of fame.

It was quite some time ago, but I was sill working at the little paper, I was the week prior to a holiday week so we had inserted a couple house ads to make our readers and customers aware that there were going to be early deadlines. Using the flyer that J had printed out for the reps to give to their customers I created an ad that said "the !#%& will be deadlining early" and when I had brought the paper up after a press check she freaked out because apparently deadlining isn't a word and she said to me "if you don't start using your spell check I am going to smack/slap you" It wasn't until later that evening that R pointed out that J had been extremely inappropriate in saying that did I become furious. I realized that it wasn't the first time that she had been inappropriate with me but that she does it all the time.

Momma said there'd be days like this

• Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.

Finaly the other shoe drops...

I have decided that I am going to do mt morning pages in two different spots, on in my analog journal and one in my online blog...this one here.

To day is Tuesday, it should be rather slow here at work because its only tuesday and the rest of the week should be rather quiet because it is Easter weekend and there probably will not be too many open houses on Sunday.

So since the beginning of the year things at work have been a little bit on edge, for many reasons:

1. We have a new publisher
2. print circulation is declining
3. its the first quarter of the year
4. and all we hear about in the news is "recessions"

having not done well in my economics classes in college I had no idea what a recession really is so I got online and read up, come to find out that a recession is:

A recession is a significant decline in economic activity spread across the economy, lasting more than a few months, normally visible in real GDP,real income, employment, industrial production, and wholesale-retail sales. A recession begins just after the economy reaches a peak of activity and ends as the economy reaches its trough. Between trough and peak, the economy is in an expansion. Expansion is the normal state of the economy; most recessions are brief and they have been rare in recent decades. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Recession

While my job is not in any REAL danger, unless we are habitual screw ups...what it does mean is that if some one leaves they can not re-hire for at least 90 days. Which really is not a problem because there hadn't been anyone leaving the department till now M is leaving at the end of the month, and our boss is moving my teammate A to replace him. the interesting part is that I am going to absorb the night person L and then become part of another team who is less busy on my busy days.

The frustrating thing is that I get put into a strange situation because for a period of time I will be the only one who knows how to do my teams stuff, which at times can be a little over whelming. But if I can do it and do it well things will pay off because my boss said that she is looking for me to rise to the occasion.

Week 1 ~ Day 2

Starting Over

OK, so I had all intentions of starting my Artists way journey again, and I did re-read the first chapter and then write, but the following night I was just too exhausted to do it, and I forgot.

There has been lots going on lately.

work is super slow, so slow that it is painfully slow until Friday when all hell breaks loose.

So I guess I just dropped the ball on writing last week, which seems like it was a lot longer than that, last week must have seemed like forever because A my partner at work was out Monday-Wednesday, and I was looking forward to a few days off on Thursday and Friday. I was taking some time off because R was coming to town for a visit after spending a year overseas where she met her finance C.

It was very nice to see her but it was also strange, it was almost as though she is a different person, we don't have the opportunity to talk much while she was gone. and it seems like C is her new nest friend and that I happen to be just someone she used to know. It seems silly. Maybe we have just become different people.

So she came in on Thursday afternoon and wanted to get her hotel and take a nap. So I wend to get my dog and just relax at my house till they were ready for dinner. After dinner they went to their hotel to sleep and I went out with the girls The two M's, B, and K were there as well as some other friends of theirs.We had a few drinks then we proceeded to head further downtown to different bar known for their beer. I didn't used to be such a big fan of beer but recently it has become one of my favorite things to drink maybe that is because I have found one that I really like Cold Smoke from the Kettlehouse . I happened to be the lucky gal to empty the keg that night so I only got a little taste. But I found another dark beer that was an OK substitute. A few others met us there D and his girlfriend M, and T whom I have been hanging out with...

R, C and I then spent Friday driving around town doing absolutely nothing...she wanted to show C all the fun places around town.

On Saturday R and C left town to head back and I went to take a nap, then I took the dog up to the parents house because I was working at the coffee shop on Sunday morning which is something I hadn't done in a while. I also went to the gym on Saturday night because I was in a bad mood, part of me was upset because of how I feel about R and C, and because I don't know how I feel about them, the good thing is that she seems happy. The gym worked it made me feel a lot better. Plus I decided that since I told my roommate A that I would do a 5K with her it was about time that I started to prepare.

I also went to yoga on Sunday and felt so good after!

Week 1 ~ Day 1

New Beginings

I randomly started reading The Artists Way about four months ago, I was trying to kill some time one Sunday evening before I had to go into work, I decided to stop and have a drink at Starbucks and read a Book that I knew I had in the trunk of my car. I opened my trunk and saw the book laying there and I decided it was a sign. Having been frustrated at work I thought it might be a good exercise for me to get my creative juices flowing. Little did I know what would come!

I heard about this book when I went to Seattle, WA for Bumbershoot 2007 ...Not only was there lots of cool music, there was lots of cool art from the silk screen posters at Flatstock to the performing art of PDL's Portable Confession Unit. Since that was in September and it is now March of 2008 I had to Google Portable Confession Unit and read about it again...

The Following is an article that was in the Seattle Times... A moment with artist Greg Lundgren

Pretend you have a social life. You don't have to bowl alone, buy single-size popcorn or hike solo in bear country. Coming up with a team for pickup ball is never a problem for you, nor is finding a fourth for bridge. Best of all, you can count on heart-to-heart conversations with close friends. If this doesn't sound like you, you might find solace for the empty space left by the absence of good conversations with a friendship simulation brought to you by the three-man Seattle artist team known as PDL (Jason Puccinelli, Greg Lundgren and Jed Dunkerley). At Bumbershoot, PDL will man three "confessional units." Anyone can say anything and get advice. Lundgren talks about PDL's latest project and the reasons why anyone would confess to an artist. On the need for portable confessional units: People need an outlet for their fears, guilts and frustrations. We offer that. It isn't a prank. We're serious. On the lack of such outlets in Seattle: It's hard to share. Maybe it's a habit we didn't develop. Lack of sharing leads to what we call "toxic thought syndrome." We'd like to place our portable confessional units in shopping centers, playgrounds, airports and businesses. They're Porta-Potties for the soul. On the reason why such talks aren't better left to therapists, rabbis and priests: Why go to a trained professional when there are artists around, eager to listen? We won't judge, no matter what. Kurt Vonnegut once said that an artist's job is to make people like life more than they did before. That's what we're trying to do. On confessionals, which are part of the Catholic Church: None of us was raised Catholic. We learned what we know about confession at the movies. -- Regina Hackett

The reason I included the article is because it explains it much better than I ever could...this project intrigued me for nervous reasons.

1. Who would confess to complete strangers?
2. What types of things would they be confessing?
3. What would I confess?
4. Why did I want to confess?

I thought long and hard about that one. Then it struck me Vie lost my creativity. So when it was my turn I walked into the booth and the voice asked what I would like to confess, I nervously said I have lost my creativity. (I figured that the listener a member of PDL was probably a creative type as well and would quite possibly understand where I was coming from...and he did) he asked my a few questions like:

1. What do I do for fun?
2. Is my job creative?
3. Where do I get my inspiration?
4. Do I surround myself with creative people?
5. Do I do any thing for myself that is creative?

And then told me many of his friends as well as himself have experienced the same thing. I told him that my job is semi creative but doesn’t allow me to be super creative or as creative as I would like to be, and that I often feel like an InDesign monkey and the going to work knowing that any one that knows the computer program could get my job and that you don’t really need any creative skills. I don’t have an answer to the question about what I do in my free time, because I don’t really do anything fun or creative in my free time, it is spent doing house work or non fun stuff.

Then he also recommended The Artists Way as a way to aid in finding my creative self. So I came home in September and bought the book, I read a few pages in the days after it came but then for some reason I put it in my car and promptly forgot about it until that cold December evening.

At first I was a little worried about it because it started off semi religious. Even though I believe in God and Jesus and the Holy Spirit I don’t really like talking about it with others. So that worried me that it was going to be a religious journey.

I was pretty good about writing, then things fell apart the reading said that was normal, it talked about how just as you are about to make a break through you skip a day, because you do not want to admit or come to terms wit whatever the issue is.

My initial reason for starting this is that I feel like I have lost my ambition. I think that the loss of my ambition is how I lost my creative self in the first place. I imagine this is the case because I don't take time anymore to be specifically creative. in school I had to be creative everyday because I knew that I wouldn’t pass my class or my instructors would have me work and rework a project until it was good, but sometimes you can over work something and you begin to not enjoy it anymore. I think that finding that fine line is the thing I struggle with the most; I just get tired of it and quit, that is what I did the first time. So here goes!