Tuesday - Week 3

I had my second appointment with Dr C today.

I have decided that I need to start exercising, for real and eating better. I am also going to take vitamins and the L Lyciene for thr cold sores.

I feel so bad for C he has been so depressed lately. Cause he doesn't get to go play all day

I had an oppertunity to be creative today but I opted for a nap, which in a sense was well warented because I was sick all weekend and worked early shifts. But my plan tomorrow is to go to work, have lunch with T, then hang out with C and then go to the gym.

Monday - Week 3

Ok, so I took last week of just cause I honestly was lazy and did not do them because I forgot to do the reading. So it is strange how this whole process works, last week would have been the perfect week to read the third chapter because it talks about the anger. I worked on a letter to S who is my old bosses boss. Letting her know how her management team treated their team, writing it made be feel a lot better.

Also in my meeting with Dr. C I also found some justification in my feelings of betrayl. He told be that those are perfectly normal feelings to have under the circumstances.

My pottery class is fun.

C is being a pain.

I sent a email to B because I still like him as s human being and wanted to see what he was up to...is that bad?

M and I are going to take a class on starting a small business...which should be fun and interesting.

I have been sick the last few day and so has T. I am kinda glad I have not seen him in a few days because I was really pissed at him the other day. I had asked him to do me a favor...nothing outrageous, just to help me out...and he didn't do it, he forgot, after all the times I have done nice things for him.

I kinda want to ask him where this is going.

I think I am just restless, and I know I am un a rut.

I need a little vacatio.

maybe I should go visit R in PHX

Detective Work, and Exercise

1. My favorite childhood toy was...barbies
2. my favorite childhood game was...house
3. The best movie I ever saw as a kid was...
4. I dont do it much but I enjoy...gardening.
5. If I could lighten up a little I'd let myself...be flirty and out going
6. If it weren't too late I'd...tell K and M how I felt.
7. My favorite musical instrument is...the piano.
8. The amount of money I spend on treating myself to entertainment each month is...unknown.
9. If I weren't too stingy with my artist I would buy her...a nice studio.
10. Taking time for myself is...hard to do.
11. I am afraid that if I start dreaming...I will get my hopes up.
12. I secretly enjoy reading...novels for teens.
13. If I had had the perfect childhood I would have grown up to be...I like what I am.
    
14. If it didn't sound crazy, I'd write or make a...mural.
15. My parents think artists are...I do not know.
    
16. My God thinks artists are...cool.
17. What makes me feel weird about this recovery is...that its so hard to get the enery to do it and to be honest with how I feel.
    
18. Learning to trust myself is probably...the hardest thing to do.
    
19. My most cheer-me-up music is...any thing that has a good beat, that I could run to.
    
20. My favorite way to dress is...in jeans and a t shirt.
    

desire

desire, ask, believe, recieve
-Stella Terrill Mann

Chapter 3 - Recoverig a Sense of Power

Anger.

Anger is fuel.

Anger is meant to be listened to.

It is to be acted upon not out.

Anger is not a nice friend, or a gentle friend, but is very loyal. It will always tell us when we have been betrayed.

Synchronicity

life is what we mawk of it.

never ask if you can do something...say you are doing it.

Shame.

When people don't want to see something they get angry at those who show them.

Growth
Two steps foward and one step back.

Week 3 on hold

Ok so, I just got lazy and stopped doing the morning pages, partially because T was haning out here all the time and it was hard to write at night with him looking over my shoulder.

This has been an interesting week. On Monday I went to see a psycologist, Dr. I told him the whole story and why I was there, I want to find a way to move past what happened to me there.

I also started a pottery class. It is my way to be creative at least once during the week, and can be a default artist date.

M and I have been toying with the idea of starting a business and I've been working on those ideas too.

Review - Week 2

I am struggling with this but its gonna get done.

I did most morning pages.

Imaginary Lives

1. Teacher
2. Rancher
3. Chef
4. Dog Trainer
5. Consultant
   

Time Travel - Thank You

Shelly. I wanted to thank you for sticking up for me. Even though it was too late and would not have made a difference. I wish things could have been different.

My Champions

1. Shelly - she was allways there to back me up and tell me I was doing a great job.
2. Mrs Crabtree - she encouraged me to be creative
3. My Parents - they will support me no matter what I decide to do with my life
   

Horror Story

Ok the first time I did this my horror story was when a former co worker threatened to hit me if I did not use my spell checker, I have moved on from that and now have a new one.

So looking back on the events that lead to me quitting my job, and that is my new horror story.

things were changing a lot at work, I had a new partner, a new assistant and a new schedule to get used to and figure out.

I was basically set up and put in a position where I had to quit or be miserable

20 Things I like to do

1. Camping - 9/20/08
   
2. Naps -
   
3. Cooking - 9/13/08
   
4. Traveling - 11/00
   
5. Reading - 8/02
   
6. Going to school - 5/05
   
7. Learning a language - 06/00
   
8. Working out - 5/05
   
9. Training Cache - 01/07
   
10. Taking photos 2003
    
11. Volunteering - 2001
    
12. Drawing - 2003
    
13. Pottery - 2004
    
14. Hiking 6/2008
    
15. Skiing 2/2007
    
16. Hanging out with Rose - 2002
    
17. Yoga - 04/08
    
18. Shopping - 05/08
    
19. Crafts - 1999
    
20. Knitting - 2006
    

Wednesday/Thursday - Week 3

Ok so I think that this week is a wash. I will just start over with week three on monday. Since I didn't even read chapter 3 yet

Sunday/Monday/Tuesday - Week 3

Um, so I have been bad I have been slacking lately.

This week sucks. I am crabby and easily irriated by EVERYONE. It is for many reasons...

1. its that time of the month
2. I am burnt out of my job
3. people are stupid

So I have not read chapter 3 it is hard to get into it just like before, but I think part of it is the fact that I have gotten this far before so I kinda know what it says, but I am only a few weeks away from new information.

I am going to start going to yoga and to the gym regularly.

A few girlfriends and I are going to take a pottery class. It should be interesting ad should be just the thing I need to get out of my funk.

I am also going to start taking care of my skin too, every morning and night.

No Frappachinos.

No Pastries.

Friday/Saturday - Week 2

Well today is my second Saturday not working, I slept in a little then went to breakfast and to the farmers market with M (note I am no longer bolding names it was just too ha), our intention was to discuss business but we just ended up chatting about random stuff. I bought all kinds of goodies, huckleberries, corn, carrots, beans, potatoes, an onion and lettuce.

We also went to the doggie bakery where i bought C a toy and a few treats, cause he has been such a good dog lately.

So I need to do better at doing the tasks.

I spent the afternoon watching tv, playing catch and taking a nap.

I made huckleberry crisp the other night. It is so yummy!

I am tired.

Goodnite

Thursday - Week 2

Yikes, it is already Thursday, this week had flown by! So T is gone till Sunday and so is A is also out of town, so that means I have the entire weekend open, and the house all to myself! I also have the weekend off from the coffee shop which is awesome!.

I got an email tor day from my friend M who asked me if I would like to take a beginning poetry class with her, I think it is a very cool idea, I need something creative to do.

I am also going to have a breakfast meeting with M (not the same person) and talk about our brilliant business idea.

I also finally got ahold of my little sister and her mom. We decided that we would go with a set time and day every week. If this does not work I don't know if I can do it much longer.

Well once again I am too tired to write a ton so...gnite

Wednesday - Week 2

Ok so today was a really nice day, except for having to get up at the butt crack of dawn, which was really two or three hours before the sun actually came up.

Then I came home and took a nice nap.

and had a nice dinner with T
.

Where does my time go?

My 5 main Activities this week:

1. Work
2. Sleep
3. Driving
4. Relaxing
5. eating
   

Basic Principles

1. Creativity is the natural order of life. Life is energy: pure creative energy.

2. There is an underlying, in-dwelling creative force infusing all of life -- including ourselves.

3. When we open ourselves to our creativity, we open ourselves to the creator's creativity within us and our lives.

4. We are, ourselves, creations. And we, in turn, are meant to continue creativity by being creative ourselves.

5. Creativity is God's gift to us. Using our creativity is our gift back to God.

6. The refusal to be creative is self-will and is counter to our true nature.

7. When we open ourselves to exploring our creativity, we open ourselves to God: good orderly direction.

8. As we open our creative channel to the creator, many gentle but powerful changes are to be expected.

9. It is safe to open ourselves up to greater and greater creativity.

10. Our creative dreams and yearnings come from a divine source. As we move toward our dreams, we move toward our divinity.

Chapter 2 - Recovering a Sense of Identity

OOOOO :) I totally forgot about the CRAZYMAKERS.

• They break deals adn destroy schedules
• They expect special treament
• they discountt your reality
• They spend your time and money
• They Triangulate those they deal with
• They are expert blamers
• They create drama - but seldom where it belongs
• They hate schedules besides thier own
• They hate order
• They deny that they are crazynakers

hmmm a stolen idea

Weddings...

• register for art work
• have the money dance for charity
• 
  

great minds think alike

so after one of my friends B quit her job I had a thought, what if a bunch of us started our own company. Then M sent me a text message yesterday and it said "I have the most fabulous idea for us" and my thinking was what if she wants to start our own company....so I replied "whats that" and just as I was mentioning to my roommate that I had not heard from M my phone beeped and it was her. She said "What if we opened our own publicity firm you can do the creative and I will do the writing and event coordination" how is that for strange...

letters....

Write K & M a letter telling them how I feel

Monday/Tuesday - Week 2

Ok, so I didnt write yesterday, I was just not in the mood and the last few days I haven't had much to write either.

So I woke up about 230 am and haven't been able to sleep. I keep thinking about my old job and how I kinda got screwed over. I had an idea to write my two bosses a letter but not send them, so I think that may help.

I am gonna write more later today after I read Chapter 2.

So I read Chapter 2, and I totally forgot about the crazymakers, and I realized that they are every where, work, home, friends. The most would be at work customers and co workers but for different reasons....well some are the same but whatever.

Well I would love to writes some more but I have to get up at 400 am and I awoke today at 200 so I am extrely tired.

Sunday - Week 1

ok maybe this is really gonna work this time.

So, I called my little sister and left a message for her mom but haven't herd anything.

ok I know I am supposed to write 3 pages but that seems impossible.

I am so tired. I am going to go to bed.

Maybe this does work

• Use the images off of the Cafe Dolce site to create a promo piece.
• Make frames out of recycled newspaper for the gals at work
  

Saturday - Week 1

So, I totally spaced most of the exercises this week, but the good news is that according to the reading last week the exercises can be done whenever you want!

Today was a very nice day. I woke up all on my own, no alarm. I didn't need one because I had the day off. I made some monkey bread. (I am gonna make an awesome wife someday : p) Then A and I went to the farmers market, and then to the mall.

I ran into one of my favorite former co worker, who is really happy in his new position.

I was upset at A this afternoon because she offered to help me finish painting my room, then after she started to help she left to run an errand.

But oh well.

Paint

So, I guess my artist date this week would have to be finishing painting the wall of my bedroom. I started when I left my old job cause I needed a project. But put it off all summer maybe because I associated the project with work

Mountian Lions, Dogs and Earthquakes oh my!

Ok I knew this was gonna happen....the strange dreams.

So R and I are hanging out at my house, its my house but not my house ya know? and we decide to take the dog C for a walk cause its such a nice day. We get about 3/4 down the driveway when we spot the mountian lion (about 3 weeks ago my parents had one in their neighbors yard) and we beging to slowly walk back then we run being chased by the cat. Then just as we slam the door shut there is a large explosion followed by some shaking and then it starts to pour rain. Then I peak out the window and see that there are 4 to 5 dogs wandering the streets, so I let them in and dry them off and give them some food and start to call their owners.... strange huh?

Friday - Week 1

ok its day five.

I am completely exhausted.

Tired, sore and cranky.

But I am excited to have the entire weekend off for the first time in a month or so.

I have nothing else to write.

My brain its tired, my belly is full, and my muscles are weak.

what about just say yes

So I knew that this dream section would be handy...

So I am at work. I am working on the frong register when this lady walks up, she had been talking to our manager. Then she said to me "I would like BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH and make sure BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH" being condesending and just plain rude, when I ask her a name for her cup she just rolls her eyes and says BOB. Then somehow all my favorite T Shirts show up on the counter cause she asked for them and then she was like I want that one as she pointed to my all time favorite. My response....HELL NO!

then also I had a dream where we onlt had medium hot cups....and people were pissed

Cookbook

Tips
Tricks
Funny Stories

Breakfast
Brunch
Soup
Salad
Lunch
Dinner
Snacks
Camping
Hiking

Thursday - Week 1

OK its day four.

I had some weird dreams last night but could not remember them in the AM. So I went to two for ones at the Iron Horse, I've not had more than one drink in a while...it was nice. B finally had her last day at the paper. I am so excited for her! She was able to make the Great Escape.
I found this along time ago on one of my favorite sites www.someecards.com and it is sorta fitting what is going on at my last job



Well I had the day off it was much needed. Yesterday was just sucky. Work was horrible, then when I went to pick up C my Dad snapped at me because I did not bring my key to open the door to the house.

When I got home I just slept. Till like 5 pm.

Today I was very productive! I went to a cereal sale at one of the local grocery stores...hey you cant beat cereal for $1.79 a box (its a way better deal than 2 for 1's at the IHO)

Then I made some chicken noodle soup.

Now I have to be up at 7 so I am off to bed.

Wednesday - Week 1

Ok so day three...so far so good. The one thing I think happens when I do this is that I get emotional. Like today I woke up just fine, but while I was at work I progressivly got into a worse mood. Maybe it the fact that I have been stuck on the register for the last 3 shifts in a row. Or the fact that its day 8 in a row. Or maybe I am hormonal. Whatever it it I need to find a way to get out of this funk.

Well 3 pages. hmm.

I bought some M and M's I am soooo excited to eat 'em to night

Tuesday - Week 1

ok so today was a much better day than yesterday. Even though I still have 4 more days of work in a row...sorta, I guess I have thursday off since K wanted it and I was more than happy to give it to her.

So something weird is happening in my relationship with T, I guess its just what you would call a relationship. I was upset and complaining to him about what a terrible mood I was in and he did the best he could to cheer me up via text message. He told me the next time we go to his favorite resturant I could get S'mores for dessert because he knows that they are my favorite thing about camping.

C my dog has been kinda nuts lately, yeterday he was being a little devil all day, then when I got home from my little escape (I was going crazy being in the house and I just had to get out...so I put him outside, and took my computer and went to the coffee shop and started this blog.) he came right in and went to bed with me.

I hate smelling like old nasty coffee. The stench soaks into your skin and hair, sometimes even my bra smells like coffee.

So once again i find my self trying to fill three pages, which is hard to tell what three pages are on here cause they aren't really pages so...hmm.

I was kinda hopeing to hear fromone of the jobs I applied for today but I think that may be wishfull thinking because it was a holiday yesterday and no one was probably in the office and Friday was the deadline.

I can't decide which job I would like more. I think the one at the bank would be more interesting, but the one at the appliance store would be pretty cool too. But at this point I am up for pretty much anything that doesnt involve coffee for more that 20 hours a week.

I dont know what else to write and I have to go...more later

Creative Enemies

Enemy #1
Myself. I think that I would be my own worst enemy. I tend to dwell on the negatives.

Enemy #2
Well over a year ago I would have said that J from work would have been my biggest enemy but now that I am no longer in the proximity of her tirades. I feel much safer to make mistakes. Which are only part of being human.

Enemy#3
I think that a company is my third creative enemy, for about a year I worked on an account that had the same lay out week after week after week, so ther was never an opportunity to be creative.

Wek 1 - Affirmations

• I am creative
• I am talented
• I am positive
• I am smart
• I am witty
• I can do anything
• 
  

Affirmations

Affirmations are like prescriptions for certain aspects of yourself you want to change. Jerry Frankhauser

Syncronicity

Synchronicity is the experience of two or more events which are causally unrelated occurring together in a meaningful manner.

Week 1 - Monday

Ok, well today is day one. I am bound and determined to finis this time. Now that I have my laptop that should help too, especially since I would like to do this digitally. So here goes.

I guess there is alot going on. I am semi unemployed. I work about 30 hours a week as a barista serving coffee to cranky people and working with a bunch of college kids who need to be babysat. I really need to get out of there.

I am really excited for this week because I have applied for several jobs the last couple weeks and I hope to hear on them soon.

I also get a little excited starting this journey because it opens up my mind. It makes me think about things.

I also tend to have wierd dreams while I am dong the morning pages too.

So T and I have been dating for about six months.

I no longer work at the paper, which i guess is a good thing because several people (7) got layed off last week. There are thee positions that are dark in the creative department. YIKES!

I think fall is here. This last weekend was labor day and it was rainy and cruddy the whole week end.

Ok so tomorrow is day 2!

hit me baby one more time....

ok so here I go starting this journey over yet again. But this time it WILL be different! Why might you ask? because I have to finish it this time. If I don't I think I may very well lose my mind. Today was a crappy day. Work sucked, everyone was in a bad mood, co-workers, and customers. I was above it till close to the end of my shift, then I just got cranky. I was in a bad mood all afternoon, then while talking to G online she was like why not go make some art? and my respose was I'm not in a good enough mood. That is when it hit me that I need to get my creative juices flowing again, especially if I am applying for some new jobs.